We are now in Mosbach, Germany for our volunteer training with OM.
The day we traveled, Ruthie missed her afternoon nap. She was so tired her eyes were rolling in the back of her head. She fussed (but not screamed) the whole ride. The plane ride took an hour and a half. We then got off the plane and rode a bus to the terminal. Where we proceeded to immigration. The lines went very fast except it took us longer. Baby and child or no baby and child there was no softening of the officer until after we were let through I got a semi-smile out of him. (Toto-we are not in Kansas anymore). We got our luggage and then I followed Ludie. He is calmness under pressure. I felt as if I were on robot mode…just get through this. I had no feelings one way or another this is just what had to be done and this is what we do.
At this point we are tired, hungry and have to go to the bathroom, and are in a foreign airport in a country where the primary language is not English. We then find out we have to go up stairs to take a train to another terminal where we cannot take the luggage cart so we wheel our luggage (stroller, diaper bag, laptop case and three 40 lb or less suitcases). It turns out that they do not mind strollers on the escalator. I felt like a child running with scissors, getting away with something that was strictly forbidden at home.
Griffin is an expert at pushing Ruthie’s stroller and is such a big young man traveling through airports and helping with Ruthie. He is the best traveler in the world. He listens, stays close, does not complain. I have no idea how to convey to him how extremely proud I am of him and how thankful I am for him.
We then got off the train went back down and to the gates but not the other B1 where we were supposed to be. We then found the correct B1. Some how I feel I am missing going up and down one more time, and somewhere in there was a man singing songs that sounded Arabic and he kept staring at us like he wanted to make sure we heard him and saw him. Maybe there was something weird going on there but all I thought was “whatever”. I don’t even care at this moment (just being honest). Then we saw the most wonderful sight, an OM sign. Oh what sweet girls these young ladies were, to hang out in the airport all day and evening waiting for us and others.
They said a bus was on the way but we had time to eat. So we went to get food, as soon as we sat down they said it was time to get on the bus. So I must have looked panicked when I went to ask the Italian looking guy in a German airport for a to go box. He did not understand much that I said but he was so sweet and kind. He figured it out and helped us get out. We then got on the bus. Ate the food and Ruthie fussed on and off for the 1 ½ hour bus ride. Ludie was so sweet to take her to the back. I praise God that we had the back half of the bus to ourselves. We then drove up into the hills (it was dark so I don’t know if we are in the mountains or not).
I started praying because my heart was not feeling much and lots of times does not feel much because we have been in transition mode so much I tend not to think or feel, I just do what needs to be done. I call it “survival mode”. As you can tell by previous blog entries that I love Ireland and have been having a great time. I have been happy but I don’t feel at times I have the luxury of worrying about things, I just have to find out what needs to be done and to the best of my ability do it, but it is not good to constantly be like this, so I knew I needed God to help get my heart right.
Back to Germany: I was praying that God would just show me that He was there with us even though I did not feel Him. Then I noticed the harvest moon. It was very low to the ground, big and orangey. It reminded me of what the moon was like the night of our wedding. It also reminded me of the song I have been using to sing our kids to bed: “I see the moon and the moon sees me. God bless the moon and God bless me. These are the lights that shine on me. Shine on the one I love.” I know that might not mean much to anyone reading this, but it was a little touch I needed. I also love water and the roadway we followed for a while was along a river. The moonlight on the river in the pitch black night with snow on the ground was beautiful.
We then got here and everyone was so sweet and accommodating. They made sure we were settled, and made sure we had enough to eat or drink and that everything was set for the kids. The beds were already made. We unpacked, and organized, skyped our family and then went to bed by midnight. I had no idea what the place we were staying looked like if we were near anything or stuck in a place where we could not get out and get to diapers or anything. I was glad to be settled but still did not have a very good heart attitude. I tried though.
The first full day here was the adjustment day. People are here from all over the world. There are six families with small children, including us and then several married couples without children or with grown children and then lots of single people. There are so many people here, they have a separate dining room for families with small children. I did not understand why they had that until I saw everybody in the dining hall. I am so thankful that everyone has been so thoughtful and kind in thinking of the small stuff that matters so much but I would not even know to consider.
One of the greatest things so far this week has been to be with one of the ladies from our member care team. She has been with OM since 1984. She was a homeschool mom and understands, as a mom what I am going through. I have not put a voice to what I am going through so as she was asking how I was doing and telling me things that I might be experiencing, I had to fight back the tears. It was not that I was sad but was so thankful to have someone that understands what this transition is like, and to put a voice to what is going on when I am not sure how to express it.
I have had devotional time where I have read the Bible, read devotions and prayed but I don’t feel as if I have felt God’s presence or opened up my heart to Him other than having survival prayers, or necessity prayers (i.e. God help us get through immigration, etc). I know that He is with me despite whether I feel Him or not. He has also shown us evidence several times a day that He is there, and cares about the details, but things just don’t seem right. I am learning to lean on what I know to be true and not what feels true.
One of my concerns as a mom in coming here is that other people I do not know would be taking care of Griffin and Ruthie. I was concerned about how they would do. Would they understand their caretakers? Would their caretakers while at this conference be loving and understanding? Would they understand that Griffin is adapting too and in a foreign country? Well, God took care of that major detail for me. When we arrived there was a note on the door from the lady running the kids programme to him. There were cards from other OM teams with Bible verses on them for us and other special added touches. Griffin has so much fun with the kids activities and cannot wait to go there every day. Ruthie feels right at home and does not even reach for me when I walk in to pick her up. She just sits comfortably with her baby doll in the lady’s lap that keeps her. Oh what a blessing!!!
The first day here we were sent with our fellowship group out into town on a scavenger hunt. I enjoyed being outside, exploring a new town in Germany and talking with other women that were new and going to different places around the world, that I have no clue what we were supposed to be working on . It did not matter. We were walking the streets of Germany in a beautiful snowy town.
We have been in meetings that have been so helpful. I have come to realize how much I have been focusing on me out of necessity but not focusing on God like I wanted to. It reminded me of the story Bobby Tyler of Lifesong Las Vegas told me that he knew a man that had been in and out of the insane asylum. He asked him one day what was it that made him go crazy. The man’s response was, “when I started focusing only on myself”. It is so true. We have had to focus on us to get packed up, to get through illnesses from Thanksgiving to Christmas. We then had the holidays and then on the 29th of December we left our home, comforts and familiarities to come to our new home. I have been downplaying it for a while but now that I sit and think about it. That is A LOT!-I finally admit it. I am tired of focusing on myself and need to take and make the time to put Him as my priority. Otherwise, everything else is meaningless.
