Have I gotten through culture shock?

To answer that question...I don't know. I don't know what I am doing. I literally take life day by day. Yes I am a planner by nature but God has taught me that His plans are better. A dear mentor of mine gave me 2 Bible verses that I keep by my stove (cooker as they call it here). The one I have forged in my memory is 2 Samuel 22:33 "God is my strength and power, And He makes my way perfect." Wow, that takes the pressure off! I don't have to strive! (Yet I still find myself doing it).

Back to the culture shock thing: I hit it pretty hard in February. My seasoned friend that has been her over 10 years but not native to Ireland reassures me that she thinks I am doing just fine. When we went to our interviews and seminars at OM USA in Feb of 2008 we learned that we would go through culture shock. When we went to our orientation in Germany in January 2009 we learned, we are going to go through it. The different forms it takes on, but that it does end (just not too much info on how to get through it). And as I talked to a friend that has been here for ~5 years (?) his response was said laughingly but serious, "oh yeah, you're definitely going to go through it." So the question is, have I gone through it? Well some of you can attest to my episode at the end of February where I asked for prayer from my closest friends, and all I have to say is, if that was not it, Lord help me!...and those around me! :)

There are parts of Ireland that I love but when we were taught about entering a culture different than that you grew up in and were accustomed to, you usually enter with an amazement and awe! They almost describe it as a euphoria, or as our team leader calls it, "having your rose colored glasses on." I don't think I have had rose colored glasses. I am a preparer. As a lifeguard (in my teenage years), we always had to train for worst case scenario so when it came we would react in the proper manner and procedure. That is how I have managed most of my life. However, that is not the healthiest way. There is something to be said for being prepared but it can also lead to paranoia, and driving your spouse crazy. So needless to say, that is how I entered living in a foreign country. I was looking at what I knew we would have to face and preparing myself for the worst to make sure that I could handle it. (Was not prepared for 3rd child).

I realized the other week that one thing I was missing in my heart was making our house a home. The past six years, we lived in Woodstock, GA. Woodstock was a place that was more home to us than anywhere we had lived. We worked hard on getting out of debt with old student loans and irresponsible spending. In doing that we did not spend a lot of money on household items to decorate, none the less, our house had become a cozy home. I realized the other day, that here, our house was functional, but not cozy. We have everything we need, and want. We lack nothing, but I think that what is missing is the creativity that God places in a woman's heart to make her house her home. I thought, why am I so reluctant to do so? I desired to, but also was reluctant to do so. I also appreciated all the neat experiences God has given us since we have been her as you can see on my blog, but deep in my heart did not fully allow myself to fully enjoy and let my guard down enough to fully, and truly be HERE. I hope this makes sense to you-either that or you just think I am crazy-maybe both. That's okay. I do too. :)

So, I had to ask myself, and God to reveal to me why I am so guarded? Why this wall? I do not want to continue to live the next two years (or however long God has us here) like this. I want to fully jump into what He has for us. So the answer is that I have found or has been revealed to me so far is: I don't want to grow attached to things here only to go through the heartbreak of saying goodbye to this and go to what God has in store for us next, if this is not it when the time comes. But I think to truly enjoy this, I have to let go of some of home. More than I was willing to let go of. I know with my pregnancy cravings I talk a lot about food that I miss, but I realized that is also me hanging on to every little familiar thing I can.

Now I wake up mornings and I do not feel like I am living in someone else's world. I look out and the sight of the sheep fields is becoming familiar, not so foreign. The walks that we take are not so much exploring and finding out new things, making myself and the kids get out of the house, despite the wind, but going out to do the familiar. Going through the grocery store is not merely survival of getting what we know we will need and what the kids will eat, but looking at new things, and the new things aren't so new. Pulling out into intersections does not take a lot of thought of which side of the road I should be on and how and when to shift gears, but I am just simply driving now. I am not as concerned of being the foreigner walking down the street and standing out as I am getting used to the correct terminology of things, and accept that I AM a foreigner. I don't have to fit in and really shouldn't. This world is not my home and I am to be in this world but not of it (per Bible). There is nothing that has taught me that more than truly being a foreigner.

The song playing, "Never Let Go" has taken on more meaning. "Amazing Grace" has captured my heart. I cannot even fully sing the words to the song as it hits so close to my heart, not because of the ties with Ireland but being a wretch saved by grace is just overwhelming. Taking communion every Sunday has made me through accountability to my Savior (thanks to the preaching of Vance Pitman from Hope Baptist Church in Las Vegas on a sermon on Communion while on a missions trip in LV) kneel in repentance towards Him before I dare take for granted His sacrifice for me. And driving down the road by myself from a doctor's appointment that took 3 hours to wait for, and almost one hour to drive to and then home from has opened up conversation to my Savior that is there for me when I am all by myself and don't have my spouse to talk to, my household routine to hide behind, my friends to chat with on FB or Skype and it is just me and Him. I was told that loneliness is a blessing. I could comprehend it, but I can appreciate it now, and do appreciate it. I am not depressed, but I do have a spot that is more recognizable where I need the Lord, when all else is silenced. Where there is nothing but Him. And I am thankful for that.

Is there a sheep in my room?

Well this morning I woke up to the sound of a sheep bleating ("Baahhing" as we say). It sounded as if the sheep were right outside my window. I immediately thought that the sheep from the pasture behind our house got out somehow. However, all I could yell is "sheep!" I ran to the window but when I got there I got light headed from jumping out of bed so fast! So I just leaned against the wall while Ludie wondered what in the world I was doing and why I yelled "Sheep!".

After a second I explained that the sheep got out. I ran and got Ruthie out of her bed. Yelled for Griffin to get up. We all got our wellies on (golloshes) and headed outside. Ludie moved the car to block the sheep from going down our road to the main road. Griffin filled in the hole in front of the car to make a wall. I got to be the sheepdog (no comments) and go get the sheep and herd them back while Ludie opened the gates. Ruthie barked at the sheep.

We realized that the gate to the cemetery had been left open. There is a stone wall around the cemetery that has an intentional hole in it big enough for a sheep or child to fit through (I don't know why, but that is how it was built). So the sheep must have come through the hole in the wall into the cemetery and out of the gate into our yard. We successfully herded the sheep back into the cemetery where they made it single file through the hole in the wall back to the pasture.

I was excited of how our family worked together to get the sheep back in. However, I can only imagine what a sight we were. I pray no neighbors happened to see us as we all had unbrushed hair, pajamas and wellies on. But it was a fun way to start the morning and made for a good story to tell when we got to church.

Hi, My name is Barbara and I am a messaholic.

Oh my goodness. I thought moving to a house half the size of our house in the States would be easier. It is easier in the sense that there is not enough room to collect all the junk you don't really need but have. However, it is harder to hide what a mess we make! I so love to have a clean, orderly house. Living in Ireland you never know when someone is going to "call" for tea (or as we say "drop by"). I wish I could say my house looks like a "Southern Living" or "Better Homes and Gardens House. But sometimes, life happens.

Well we have been running for 3 days straight and so you can only imagine what an untouched house looks like in 3 days with a 6 year old, a toddler, and their mama that gets something half done and then off to the next thing. It looked like a corn flakes and scrambled egg bomb had gone off in the kitchen, and I won't describe the rest of the house. I started working on the house this morning as we are on school holiday at the moment. I got so busy that by 11 am no comb had touched my hair and no brush had touched my teeth. I had on what I call my Santa Clause pajama bottoms, with a regular shirt on, and Ludie's shoes on while hanging out the laundry thinking that only the sheep and my kids would be the ones seeing me.

Then it happened. One of my friends pulled in the driveway! Gasp! Oh well, no where to run, no quick change, mouthwash or anything. Well a true friend she is. She helped me finish hanging out the laundry, and came in and waited patiently while I put on regular clean clothes, rapidly brushed my hair and teeth and put on a kettle of water. I have no idea what she thinks of the house or of me, but she was wonderfully pleasant. If she comes around again, I will know that she is a true friend.

PS I came home today with the wind whipping and the rain going sideways. So I took down the laundry off the line and put them in the dryer as my wise friend had taught me, and then proceeded to hang them up on the radiators around the house. I would have left them out but even though the clothes pins are "gale force clothespins" I did not want to have to climb the hedge to pick up my child's underwear out of the sheep field the next morning, that is if the sheep did not eat it before I got to it.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Starting out St. Patrick's Day was a God ordained day. Here are some pictures from the St. Patrick's Day parade in Athlone. The picture of the team in front of the bus is a combined group that worked together to hand out tracts and information on St. Patrick's Day (who he was and what he represented) and info on the bus (probably over 2000 easily). The group is a combination of River of Life Church and Cherith Baptist Church in Athlone, as well as the OM team with the Big Red Bus. When we went back through the town some of the handouts had been thrown on the ground, but the next day we were in town and saw a little boy had picked one up off the ground and was taking it home. God's word does not return void. We took some of the million euro tracts and gave them to the really clinched faced people that looked for fear, "don't come near me!" It is amazing how the demeanor changes when handed a million euro tract! And then they actually smile and say "Thank you!" At the end of the parade, Griffin said he really had fun. St. Patrick's Day was his favorite holiday. He said, "I was kind of embarrassed about being in a parade and handing out stuff, but that was really fun!!!!" I told him, "Me to!". PS You can go to Living Waters.com for the million dollar or million euro tracts to see what they look like. Griffin actually liked using the optical illusion cards (pink and blue ones on the same website). He would give those out and show them the illusion when the parade stopped and we were at a stand-still for a minute or two.

The picture of the church now restaurant was taken just to show you a common sight in towns where old churches, abandoned are now used for different things like this one that was turned into a restaurant.

We followed up the parade with a fellowship night at the Creech hacienda. We love having a house full of people. Any holiday or reason will do. The next couple days though...we were tired!

The trio.

Hello! I apologize that it has taken me so long to make a post on the blog but as most of you know, life has been happening. Well, we heard the Irish have big families and we really wanted to integrate into the culture so we wanted you to know that we are expecting another blessing of a child in October. Let me tell you, there is nothing that will put you on the fast track into culture shock like moving to a foreign country and then finding out you are pregnant! I have been beyond impressed with the healthcare and how proactive the medical staff has been in working with me. We have had a past history of five miscarriages. I also was very sick when I was pregnant with Ruth Anne with morning sickness. So finding out I was pregnant, my fears of entering a new health care system, learning how to drive on the left hand side of the road and with a manual car, along with my fears of going through morning sickness or miscarriage threw me for a loop. My biggest fear is my inability to show my love for my kids through quality time (my love language). So all that combined, needless to say. I freaked out. I could not sleep, I could not eat and my stomach was playing tricks on me. Not a good combination at all and I knew it could not last long and still function properly. My next biggest fear was that I would be the weak link in the family that I would not be able to handle living in a foreign country and would somehow fail and we would have to come home. Well if I could not function physically then the second fear was becoming a self fulfilling prophecy.

Well, God had been preparing me for this, thankfully, because I needed it. I am in the middle of a study by Dawn Mooring, studying the life of Joshua. Specifically Fighting Fears. I remember saving this study for when I got to Ireland just to have a study ready to go. Well I remember praying God, I am not really fearful of anything that is out of the ordinary or stands out but help me hide this in my heart because maybe someday I will need it. Well it hit me blindsided. What I have learned... I am so thankful for God's word that is useful and relevant today as it was the day it was written. I thank God that He is sovereign, and in control, even when I feel that life is out of control. I am thankful that I have hope in Him alone. I am thankful that it is Christ that works in me to give me strength to get through the day, that I do not have to rely on myself!!!! And I am thankful that He is teaching me to rest in Him. These are things that I could have given you the answers to before but knowing them in my head and applying them in my heart are two totally different things. I am not that great of a spiritual person but know that I cannot get through the day without Him.

So this is where we are. I am 8 weeks pregnant. The ultrasounds look great. The baby has vigorous cardiac activity. I live with the reality that each day is a gift and that tomorrow this baby may be taken to heaven, but don't we all live with that reality with life. I praise God for today! The doctors have been proactive and have me on every medication possible, the rest is up to God (but isn't it all?)

Tying this together, but hang in there with me: My Grandmother passed away at the beginning of this month. I praise God that I had such a blessed time with her before we left. We got to spend time with her. Questions that I wanted to ask her but had forgotten she just mentioned in conversation. Things I would have wanted to know but did not think to ask, she mentioned in our last conversation. My last memory of her is her standing on her front porch waving goodbye as she always does. We received so many prayers and notes of sympathy and concern. It was overwhelming. Even a note asking if we needed to be flown home for the funeral. Nothing will touch your heart as the sacrifice that someone is willing to make at the drop of the hat. Just the fact that we had the option. Everybody keeps asking how we are. I want you to know that I am thankful for a family that understands that at the time of the funeral it would have been physically and mentally too much for me to deal with getting the medical things I needed with the pregnancy dealth with as well as making a transAtlantic flight in the middle of all that was going on. I am sad that this world is not the same without my Grandmother in it. However I can honestly say I have never been so happy for her. I know people talk about heaven and how it is such a great place but it does not feel that great when you have to give that person up.

We were even discussing tonight that death was never God's intention for us. It came with the fall of man. So dying is not natural. Giving up a loved one is something that happens to us all but it is not natural and was not intended to happen. However our Father loves us so much that He did not make us puppets but gave us the decision.

Back to Grandmother: I am honestly happy for her that she is no longer physically limited and most of all that she gets to see her Lord and Savior that she loves more than life itself as demonstrated by her life. I thank God that He prepared a way for us through the sacrificial gift of His Son and that I can know for sure I will be there too someday.

So to tie it all together. When we told Griffin that GG had died and gone to heaven he came back later and told us "If the baby is not in mommy's belly anymore, I am sure GG is holding it in heaven". Wow! Out of the mouths of babes. I praise the Lord that that has not happened, yet and hopefully won't. But if it does. God is a good God. I know that because He has shown me that as He has walked this road with me.

Love ya'll. Miss ya'll. And am overwhelmed by your messages and love. Thanks.

Ruthie and I went on a walk today and ended up here. Kilkenny Castle. Kilkenny used to be the capital of Ireland.

Look up at the stars and rest

I noticed the Mom Moment part of the blog for today talks about looking at the stars. I love to go outside and look up at the stars here. Amazingly there have been many clear days and nights (but that does make it colder, as the clouds hold the heat in). Our focus this year in MomCare has been on rest. Our leader, Suzanne Miller talks often about when you want to put things into perspective go out and look at the stars. When I do that I know that God is in control. That He placed the sun, moon and stars in the sky. He created me and loves me. He is the same God as the covenant God in the times of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. He is the same God that King David prayed to when he was just a shepherd out in the fields looking up at the stars and is the same God that I pray to and He hears and answers my prayers. Wow! How easy it is to rest in Him when you look up at the stars and realize how big He is and that He has everything in control, and that He is a god who is alive, and loves me.