The Next Step

I am a planner by nature. As soon as I learned to write I remember making lists and finding comfort in them . Lists have served me well over the years. Being a planner I also like to set goals and timelines. When I was in college I remember buying a florescent pink poster board that I wrote my life goals and timeline. This was during my decision making process in trying to decide whether I should go on to Vet School or get a Masters in Nutrition (Swine Nutrition). Mind you, I am from NC and pigs are the #1 agricultural income in livestock. That is another story on it's own, a smelly one.

On that timeline I had written when I planned to get my MS, my PhD, get married and when kid #1 and kid #2 would come. I look back and thank God that my life did not occur as I had planned it. I did complete my masters in Swine Nutrition, and got married to the love of my life during the middle of completing my degree, but the rest did not go as planned and I thank God for that.

Through God's plan, He has taught me that I should seek Him first (when I do not seek Him first is when things get messed up). The path He leads me on is not always easy. It has been full of many trials and heartache, but through those paths He has taught me several things. Some of which are: God is good, no matter what my understanding of good is (quoted from Lori Apon, taught to me by God). Never question in the dark, what I've learned in the light (quoted by Johnny Hunt, taught to me by God). Jesus came to heal the brokenhearted-literal meaning crushed into pieces (quoted by God in the book of Isaiah, taught to me by God), His word is completely real and true, every word of it and therefore I can rely fully on His promises (taught by God in the Bible and through life experiences), He is Who He says He is. Any security I have other than that in God is only perception and not real. God is the one in control, He is the good and allows the bad in order to teach us, draw us closer or to teach others through our trials. He is my Rock and Fortress.

Right now, we are getting a lot of questions: "Why are you still here?", "I thought you were supposed to be in Ireland", "What are you going to do when you get back?". My answer is, "We are waiting on God". If He showed me the map and timeline, I would trust those and not Him. Right now, we are to wait until He sells the house, unless He leads otherwise. Right now we are to do what He called us to do in Ireland. After that, I am sure He will show us. He always has before. I would be stupid after all this time to make plans of my own, just to know that it is His path that is the right way to go and will usually be different from mine. The cool thing is, I know that He cares about my desires and wants, and He is precious to throw those in to His plan in better ways I could have ever imagined.

Example: When I was a little girl I would dress up like Lottie Moon. I also loved to go on the back deck and I would preach to the trees, tell them about Jesus. I would witness to my neighbor that was not a Christian. If you asked me at that time, any place in the world I wanted to go if I could, my answer would be Ireland. I have always had a love of learning about international cultures and missions. As a teenager and college student I allowed outside factors to effect my walk with Jesus. I soon found myself with goals and lists that would offer security, and what the world showed as success and safety. Yes, I still kept God in the mix, but I was the author of my destiny, He was just the paramedic that came when I needed help and then I sent Him away again. Shameful of bad decisions I had made in my life I put away those childish dreams that I did not feel that I was fit to serve God in such a capacity, and pursued goals that I felt brought me security. Slowly, God wooed me back to Him. He taught me about His character, His love. He has healed my broken heart. He has taken away my shame. He has called me back to my first love Him and included the dreams I had as a child that I had forgotten and did not remember until He had put me in the middle of this journey.

So now we are on a path. A dot-to-dot journey (for my homeschool moms), where God is illuminating one step at a time. We are living day by day and finding rest in it. Not a list, not a map but a candlelight. He has taught me enough that I thank God for what I cannot see ahead, and I am excited about the journey I am on. I do not understand joy. It is a hard concept for me. I understand happy, but my prayer two months ago is for God to teach me joy. And now I am finding joy in the moment.

My blessed friend Trina (from the Phillipines but living in the US) called me to tell me that, just like the apostle Paul we are being detained. God knows what is best. He orders our steps and orders our stops. My job now is to enjoy being here with my friends and family, and not worry about the next step. God has called us and He will send us to Ireland in His timing. So since He has called us, He is in charge of when we go and when we stop.

Thank you God for the journey and the light. Psalm 119:105 "Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path". Help us to see clearly, give us wisdom (James 1:5) and not step to the right or to the left but run with endurance the race (Hebrews 11&12) until the end. May it be said in the end: By faith Ludie and Barbara....(like in Hebrews 11), and may we hear our Savior say: "Well done my good and faithful servant). When all is stripped away, Jesus is the only one that matters.