A hard headed, slow reading woman.

Both kids are sick with fevers now. Griffin was doing better this morning but has lapsed a little.
I have been working on reading through the Bible. Before I sound super spiritual, I want you to know I started when Griffin was 3. He is about to turn 7. I would read some and do a Bible study, then read some more. But really this past year I just got hung up in Job. I prayed Ps 129 that God would search my heart and find any anxious way in me and help me to repent and turn it back to Him. Well. Let me say I ran from that book a little. I have a hard time wrapping my head around how God allowed Job to suffer those huge things. Well at the hospital today to visit the OB for a regular checkup (usually takes about 3 hours) I pulled out my Bible to read it. Low and behold I realized I only had 3 chapters of Job left. Well those effected me greatly! It put in perspective how powerful God is. How he truly is in control of everything. When I combine those facts with the facts of the Old Testament showing how long suffering He is towards us, and the facts of the New Testament of what lengths He goes to to save us eternally (which I take for granted often) and daily through circumstances I can do nothing but glorify Him. Did I freak out some yesterday? Yes. But not as much as before. I was quicker to see that my non-trust and worrying is a sin.

I have also come to realize (through the help of 2 wise, godly women) that when I do fret and have worry that I am concentrating on myself and not others around me and not on God. God will handle all our circumstances. We are where God placed us and I really need to sometimes get a reality grip that this is our life. This is not just the two years He sent us here. I have been thinking with the mentality that when we return, life is going to go back to normal. And if I were home I know that things would not be perfect but I have a tendency to think that way just because it is in my comfort zone. It has been such a burden lifted to just say, 'okay God, here we are. This is how life is. And there are people here to help us out when we need it. They have made that overwhelmingly clear. All I have to do is put aside my pride and ask them." So this is where I am. Growing. Sometimes willingly, sometimes reluctantly. I am thankful though for a God that loves us and is patient with us.

I have also learned that I should not expect earth to be heaven. Things are not perfect here so when they do get out of whack and bad things happen, I have to trust in Him who is really in control in all circumstances, the good and the bad.